Thoughts on eternity

a.k.a. The Suffering Soul and The Nameless Scapegoat Pt.1

I have, in the past, made mention that I am to remain a virgin indefinitely.  I have some very conflicted feelings on that fact of my slavery and wish to take the time devoted to this post to muse on it and explore my feelings on the matter.

First, let me note that I do not want to remain a virgin.  There is are very powerful biological and social imperatives to spread one's seed, as it were.  And, though I know intellectually that this is a result of a bygone past where the existence of the human race demanded that we procreate, the urge is still there and still strong.  And it seems that there's nothing I can do about that.

From Madame's perspective my remaining a chastised virgin is a special gift, my virginity is proof of my submission and tribute to her complete dominance over me.  And this makes Madame happy.  As a submissive I cannot help but take some small solace in her enjoyment of my virginity.  But at the same time I cannot help but feel subversive because I do not honestly believe that I will remain a virgin for the rest of my life.

It is far from inconceivable, that I should remain a virgin until the end of my days, but hardly comforting.  Logically as long as I remain a slave to Madame I am to remain a virgin, and I've no intention of removing myself from Madame's service.  So, again logically, I shall remain a virgin for an indefinite amount of time.  But still there remains the vain and vague hope that my logic as wrong, though I know it is not.

Then I consider what does losing my virginity actually grant me?  I lose the dreaded 'v' card but does that help me as a person, as a slave?  It's not as though by losing my virginity my life would change immediately (or at all).  And right now virginity is a small price to pay for the slavery that I so desire.  But even when all the odds are stacked against it, the hope and desire remains.