Introspection and Regrets of the past.

I have been asked in the past if I have any regrets and I am quick to paraphrase the late Douglas Adams in saying "I may not have ended up where I wanted to be, but I think I'm where I'm supposed to be."

And generally I think that it holds true.  My experiences have shaped me into the person I am today and to regret them would be to regret myself.  If I am truly content then I should not regret myself, and if I think I can become contented then I should likewise not regret.

But what about when I'm not sure?

I think now about my past, and I regret.  I regret not asking her out in high school.  I regret fucking up in college.  I regret letting her get away.  I regret not being as true to myself and my feelings as I should be.  I regret a lot of things, and I dislike the person they have made me become. 

I ask myself, do I regret where I am?  And I cannot answer anything but yes.  It is all my fault, but still I regret it all.  And then when I'm with her, even though it's only through the luminescent veil of the internet I feel like somehow it's going to turn out for the best.  Then when I'm laying in my bed, or more often on the floor, and am thinking about the future I am more scared than comforted. 

Then once I'm speaking to her again it all goes away.